


Alone Time Denied!

by Blueperson2021



Category: The Loud House (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:53:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24635641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blueperson2021/pseuds/Blueperson2021
Summary: A few readers have been asking about some obvious solutions to the no 'alone time' rule in Lincoln's Alone Time. Rather than repeating the answers to each reader individually, come and read each every failed attempt the girls made at enjoying their own company; suggested solutions weclome!(For Legal Purposes all characters depicted in direct sexual situations have been aged up your national age of consent)
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Vanzilla is an option:**

"Dude why is the van shaking?" Luna's eyes narrowed at the disturbing shakes of the family van, the windows suspiciously covered.

"I don't know Luna, but I can find out!" Lincoln declared, a finger extended with fateful confidence. Sneaking over to the van in case the mysterious occupant had a peep hole, he determined with Savvy-like deduction the centre of the movement was coming from the sweet spot.

He smirked, and motioned Luna over to the broken locked seat directly opposite said spot. "Whoever is in there is really distracted with whatever they're doing, I bet it's Lynn eating the leftover dessert again!"

"Hunh?" Asked the clever and insightful Luna with the same whispered tone. "Why's that dude?"

"Listen," he cupped his ear and Luna did the same. Sure enough there was a semi-liquid sound reverberating through the vehicle, mixed with deliriously happy murmurs. "What else could that be? But this is the last time we let her get away with it! Come on, I'll get a photo and you grab her so she doesn't turn me and my phone into a pancake!"

Luna's eyes widened as comprehension hit her, but even as she went to stop him his left hand had already produced his phone with the camera app open, his right gleefully flinging open the door to reveal-

Lori.

Lori with Bobby's half dressed image on her phone.

Lori with approximately none of the shorts and pants the siblings had so dearly wished she had been wearing, and her fingers sadly not so hidden. The three stared at each other with regret, but none so much as Lincoln whose trembling finger unwittingly pressed the photo function.

Hours later Lori was thankfully not in trouble (at least with her parents) because Lincoln and Luna had agreed no one wanted to discuss this, though Luna had privately roasted her about violating the 'desecrating shared spaces' rule she herself had established. She had shamefacedly apologised in an elder sister meeting, and agreed to replace Lincoln's phone. Rather than bothering to delete the image the eleven year old had sensibly snapped it in two with trauma driven strength and pulverised the remains until he felt the picture was history.

Lincoln meanwhile was in his room, calmly rewriting the sweet spot diagram to include a 'hazardous material' sign over the now former best seat in the van (for Lori had been so inconsiderate that she'd not even laid down a towel), before chucking his pen aside to sob into Bun Bun for the night.

* * *

**What about using the Garage?:**

Rita knocked on the garage door, getting no answer over Lori's oddly loud music to her annoyance before popping in anyway "Hello sweetie, just letting you know that dinner is-"

There was a terrible silence, and a worse sight.

"CHASITITY BELT TWO WEEKS!"

"But Mom!"

"Three for talking back!"

* * *

**Why not use Lisa's Bunker?:**

"Don't even try it elder sibling; your escapades have scarred our Mother and Brother, I shall not add my own place of work to the list!"

"But Lisa-"

"No buts you utter degenerate!" Lisa glared upwards. "My experiments are very sensitive to foreign matter and if I find even a hint of your 'emissions' anywhere near them I shall neuter you in your sleep!"


	2. The Attic, Vents and Desperate Measures

**Why not the attic?:**

"Lynn what are you doing?"

The jock yelped and fumbled backwards, her little box fort of privacy in the dark corner becoming a box pile of shame.

"Nothing!"

"It doesn't look like nothing." Lucy's monotone gained an edge. "It looks like you were trying to take my corner for your own."

"Look Luce-"

"What was that buzzing sound you were making?" The smaller girl seemed to glare through her bangs.

_Oh shit…_

An 'early education' of one of the younger sisters carried a month's minimum grounding.

Thinking quickly Lynn hid her 'friend' behind her back and thumbed the off switch. "I was just… brushing my teeth! Y'know what trying to get in the bathroom is like!"

"In the attic?"

"Yep!"

"With no water?"

"Psshaw, I'm Lynn Loud; I don't need water to have clean teeth!"

Lucy seemed stumped for a moment. "Lynn; what are you hiding behind your back?"

Lynn quickly plopped her oblong boyfriend into her waistband and showed her empty hands. "Nothing!"

"… and why are you wearing a skirt?"

"Because it's hot today; obviously!" Lynn grinned, _because I can just flip it down if I get caught; who says I'm dumb?_

Lucy seemed to look through her. ". Sigh. Obviously you aren't going to tell me the truth. But that's nothing new. Just go someplace else while I fix the mess you made."

"Okay Luce, sorry to mess up your stuff!" Lynn waved goodbye awkwardly and made to turn to the stairs-

And found herself butt-first on the floor again; having stepped into her Mother as she came up to investigate the crashing from upstairs.

"What on earth are you doing up here Lynn-"

Rita's attention was suddenly taken by a buzzing sounds being emitted from a cylindrical object that had fallen from her daughter's pants and landed on it's highest setting.

"She said she was brushing her teeth." Lucy's voice condemned.

There was a moment of almost silence as Lynn felt her summer dissapear.

"Oh, well that makes sense." Rita smiled, seemingly placid as she looked to her fifth youngest. "Lynn seems to have dropped her toothbrush after all."

"That's a strange toothbrush."

"It really is, and she shouldn't have been using it up here where she could make a mess. Why you go downstairs while Jr and I have a little chat." The same warm smile again.

"That's okay, she didn't a make mes-"

"Have some lunch dear" Rita's left eye twitched, and Lucy vanished. "As for you Jr-"

"I'm sorry." Lynn Loud knows when it's time to fold.

"Oh sweetie." Rita calmly stepped forward and carefully switched off Lynn's 'friend'. "Not as sorry as I am.

But you'll get there."

* * *

**The vents?:**

Lori slammed the vent grill closed in front of the Jock's face. "I swear Lynn, if you even _think_ about it I will-"

"Get in line behind me," interrupted an unusually irate Luna. " 'Cause I'll make a drum out of your football skins!"

"What's the big deal guys?" Lynn snapped. "I'm ju-"

Lori's hand snapped forward to pull Lynn upwards, then with a nod to Luna the two of them grasped her by the legs and shook the smaller girl like a bag of potatoes. Instantly assorted sports memorabilia started falling from her pockets, along with a flesh colored egg like object.

"Just going to make a scene." Lori dropped her, forcing Luna to release Lynn upon her beanlike head, The eldest delicately grasped the object with as few fingers as possible, before throwing it out of a window in disgust.

"HEY! I just got that after-"

"After Mom caught you last time, we know dude," Luna sighed, and took a breath to calm down. "But goin' in the vents? What kind of idea is that?"

"A great one!" Contended the fallen athlete. "I can still fit, and Lucy agreed to leave the vent abo-"

"No. Stop there," Lori halted her with a palm. "I don't want to know. The bottom line is that your 'plan' would have literally failed in the worst way possible."

"Yeah dude, didn't you think this through at all!" Luna exclaimed with both hands.

"Think through what?" The jock unfurled herself to stand to her full (utterly unimpressive) height. "No one else is in there so I'm not gonna get interrupted or anything!"

"Think through literally anything about how this was supposed to work; obviously," Lori facepalmed. "Look, what do you think is going to happen right after you 'get going'?"

Lynn scratched the back of her head. "I dunno; I'm gonna-"

"You're going to get _loud_ dude; seriously I don't think anyone gets into it like you!"

"I can be quiet!"

"You literally can't," scoffed Lori, sadly remembering the times she had caught Lynn 'being quiet'. "But even if Mom and Dad think we're just haunted by the worst ghost ever, they're not going to think that when the _smell_ gets to them."

Lynn flushed. "I d-don't sme-"

"Dude, it's part of the deal; we're not shaming you for it."

"Yes Luna," Lori advanced to look Lynn in the eye. "Look, everyone who 'enjoys themselves' gets… 'fresh', that includes you. It includes Luna and it literally includes Mom and Dad-"

Luna interrupted "You too Lori. But I'm not sure if bo-"

"The point is; they've had _eleven_ children. Do you think either of them won't recognise that smell literally the second it reaches them?"

"…. I thought Lincoln might be adopted?"

"Arghh!" Lori felt her 'big sister' headache coming back "Possibly eleven children, and when the smell comes through, and it will in every room in the house because that is what the vents are literally for, they're going to do a headcount to find who made the stink. Even if you're really fast, Mom will be able to tell because it'll still be strongest on yo-"

"I brought deodorant!" Lynn pointed at the pile of Lynn-nacks.

"Then she'll know it's you because no one else smells like it and you obviously hid it." Lori sighed. "Trust me, this is not the first time I've had this conversation."

"Who els-"

"Literally not the point Lynn. Just tell me you're not going to try this again." She crouched to look into Lynn's eyes, trying to make her understand.

"How can I?" The younger teen snapped. "You threw out my-"

"Lynn, please dude." Luna pleaded over Lori's shoulder.

"… Fine." The jock relented. "I guess I don't really have a choice."

"None of us do," Lori stood up in relief. "Now let's get to bed befo-"

"RITA!" Lynn Sr's voice echoed from outside, the second floor window clearly showing his disturbed expression below as he stood in the garden bearing Lynn Jr's toy in two fingers. "WE HAVE A CODE PINK!"

The younger two glanced at Lori, who sweated bullets. "I-I-"

"You fucked us all Bruv."

* * *

**What about tying their tubes? Maybe that will calm them down? (possibly non canon due to sheer silliness):**

"So you see; it would be entirely pointless," Lisa finished her demonstration and switched off the projected diagram in her room, her audience in despair.

The previous lecture outlined how five vasectomies and two tubal ligations had failed in their fecund parents, only to be utterly overshadowed by Rita's hysterectomy reversing itself.

"That's literally not how that works!" Declared Lori. "Organs don't just-"

"Negatory elder shister." corrected Lisa. "In most cases you would be right, however our family has a mutant gene inherited from our sprightly grandfather that allows for faster and more effective repair and recuperation than most other homo sapiens. You can thank it for being the sole reason our weekly 'disagreements' haven't put us all in wheelchairs."

The genius turned to glare at Lori, "that said; outright neutering via ovarian removal is still a possibility I would be happy to confirm or deny."

"Got it."

"So... mom's baby factory still works?" Lynn queried, rightfully unsettled at the idea of ever more siblings.

"Indeed fifth eldest sibling unit, and sadly for us the same condition will likely fall upon each of us as well." Lisa adjusted her glasses before putting her projector under her desk.

"I dunno dudes," Luna countered. "Pop Pop can rock out in his eighties; maybe havin' a workin' kid factory no matter what ain't so bad-"

"Shut it Luna," Lori almost screamed. "You're gay- you don't risk nine months or a coathanger every time you 'cuddle' with Sam!"

"Bi actually, but yeah I get your point. Oh well, guess I'm just lucky 'cause Sam LOVES the Loud lust and I don't have any down side-"

Lisa interjected with a raised finger. "Actually my sibling units I must inform you that from my studies it would appear that as a consequence of our superior healing abilities it would seem that menopause is... greatly delayed if not absent entirely in our female relatives. Indeed if not for our grandfather's dentures I would assume full bodily restoration would be possible well into our ninth decade, our uteri being no exception."

"... What?" Luan's mind refused the fact.

"We're sailin' the Red Sea forever my dudes."

"DANG IT!"


	3. The Forbidden Place.

**Can't we use the bathroom?**

Luna carefully looked around the bathroom curtain.

Lori and Leni were long gone, having taken the first place in the snaking line of siblings that formed each morning. Normally she would have gone just behind them, hopping behind the shower curtain while they applied makeup to avoid wasting precious minutes.

Not today though.

Today Luna Loud was Luna Last, last in the line and last to get the lukewarm-at-best shower water. Thirteen people to one standard water heater was a nightmare, and if you were an older girl with an older girl's hygienic needs then getting in before the last hot drops turned warm was a necessity.

At least it was normally.

She had timed her scheme well; Bloody Mary had kindly fucked off a week ago, she'd done her assorted shaving yesterday and the concert last night had given her plausible deniability to explain why 'needed' to sleep in this Saturday. Now it was well past eleven and the house was alive with noise even if the running shower next to her nude form didn't obscure any vocalisations. Add in a locked bathroom door and there was nothing to interrupt her self exploration.

Hey; she wasn't even lying about taking a late shower; _I'm just gonna let it run a bit before I cool down, just after I'm done 'heating up'!_

With that thought she balanced her bare backside upon the bath's rim, put her back to the closed curtain and readied herself for a good time.

It didn't take long; Sam had to cancel last night and even though the music was rockin' as usual it just didn't give her the same affection Sam did. Her fingers followed practiced patterns and quickly worked herself to a good 'lather' while her upper bits swelled to demand attention.

_Oh yeah… just like that…_ of course it wasn't as good as getting Sam on her knees, it was like a tickle in that it didn't completely work without someone else. But even though she didn't have anything to replace Sam's sweet tongue she did have a friend nearby.

Big Blarney.

A thick, fluorescent green, double ended, semi flexible curved tube of fun bought by her and Sam on something between a mutual dare and a heated suggestion. Each bulbous head could be pushed in one girl and held inside with plenty of length for the other to enjoy, it would even flex and tremble with the pressure of the other girl.

Of course there was no rule that it had to be used with both and this week was her turn to keep it. And now it lay there in the empty bath, safely concealed behind the curtain in case of intruders. Luna smirked, and she reached down for the twin tipped snake with a greedy hand.

"Oh sorry Luna, I know you've been in a while but I _really_ need to clean this dress before Lily's v -" Leni barged her way in, causing Luna to stumble and slip forward with surprise, landing on her face with an undignified yelp.

_Oh yeah, Leni can lockpick._

_I think this what Lincoln feels like when his plans go tits up over somethin' obvious._

_._

_.._

_Nah that's just me nose._

_Owww…_

"O! M! Gosh! Luna I am _so_ sorry!" Leni's voice came through the curtain, the older girl brushing it aside with worry. "I didn't mean to surprise you like tha-

Luna's bleary eyes gazed upon Leni's horrified expression. And it was with her buttocks pocking firmly skywards that the rocker's eyes followed the blondes gaze to the green faux monster dong lying an inch from her face.

_Oh fuck me._

Leni's high pitched scream drew the household to the bathroom, Lori and Luan were the closet and arrived just in time to block off the younger siblings from rushing into the mess. Lori's shocked expression gave way to pure horror as she comprehended the situation and Luan pointedly pushed the assorted twerps away from an early education.

"AIIIEE! THERE'S A SNAKE!" Leni screamed. "THERE'S A SNAKE IN THE TUB!"

"A SNAKE!?" Lynn Sr suddenly pushed his way through his daughters, Rita a second behind him . "Quick; Rita go and get the-"

The silence from the parents that followed was more damning than any screaming (the panicking Leni of course filled in for that though). Luna awkwardly tried to lift herself up so could at least hide her naughty bits, only to slip on the still running water and faceplant again.

She just covered her ass with hands.

Rita turned to the still panicking Leni with a smile and calmly took the younger blonde's phone from her fingers and cancelled the emergency call the girl had tried to put through. "It's alright Leni-"

"HOW CAN IT BE ALL RIGHT MOM? LUNA'S BEEN BITTEN AND SHE CAN'T EVEN MOVE!" The blonde half screamed half sobbed, firmly believing she was watching her first little sister die.

"It's just a Green Snake, they can't hurt anyone and it's not even moving see;" the woman soothed, pointing at the 'snake'. "It's probably more scared of her than she is of it, Luna was probably just surprised by it."

Leni looked to check this and calmed down a bit when she saw the unmoving form, Luna would have confirmed this obvious lie but her silent father was giving too ominous an expression for her to dare move.

Her mother put a comforting arm around her shoulder. "It's going to be alright sweetheart, Lori's going to take you downstairs and make you all some hot coco and you can feel better together, then you can go and change that dress okay?"

Rita's glance brooked no opposition and with a dry mouth Lori took the still sniffling sister from her mother's arms into her own and guided her downstairs. The parents pointedly closed the bathroom door as Luan corralled the mass of younger children down for the promised hot chocolate, Lisa and Lincoln trying very hard to believe their parents story.

The older girls (sans Leni) knew a lost cause when they saw it and didn't waste their prayers for the girl who may or may not have given Leni 'an education'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are only meant to be a few hundred words per solution, but this one ended up a but longer than expected. I had already covered the Bathroom idea in the main fic as a sibling forbidden 'desecration of mutual spaces', but Luna is not one to always keep to rules anyway.


End file.
